How do you fight the voices in your head when the voices of those who care about you tell you different to them?
How do you learn to accept that you are not as bad as the voices tell you, not as ugly or unsexy or unworthy?
The voices are the enemy and they never keep quiet, they pull and tear and question and tell the worst.
They tell you not to trust, not to believe, not to accept.
They tell you they know you better than anyone and they know you are worthless and unlovable – after all they were there when you messed up when you broke hearts, tore lives apart and wrecked your own.
They ask how you can expect someone to love you when you are unlovable, when there are other more pretty, sexy and interesting people out there drawing their attention?
They ask you how you can expect to love or be loved when you cant even love yourself?
They ask you why you think you deserve to have happiness when you have caused so much unhappiness?
They ask you why you even bother to keep going when you know you are just going to continue hurting people and being hurt – what is the use they ask, why keep fighting, why keep hoping?
Logic tells you that you are not all bad, you are not fully evil or wicked, but the voices are insidious, they hiss and whisper and slowly invade your mind until you no longer know what to believe, what to think.
In the end you just want to shut yourself away, sleep and stay out of peoples way – but you cant, you need them to keep your sanity, to still the voices – give you hope and some semblance of peace of mind..