How to find your “soul mate”

Stop looking! Start doing!

Once you stop looking you can focus on other things – your whole mind and thought processes make a definite shift into more productive areas. The most important one being improving yourself.

Focus on yourself – ask yourself the question – am I the “soul mate” I am looking for? In other words if I was wanting a “soul mate” would I choose myself?  Do I embody what true love is?

Let’s look at what true love is. 

Firstly let’s see what it is not.

It is not the butterflies in the stomach when you hear their name.

It is not the pulsating of your heart at the thought of a certain person.

It is not the arousal that you get from hearing them speak.

This is what is known as puppy love – or”Eros” in Greek (erotic love).

True love is so much more than this.

These don’t last, the clammy hands, the stutters, the dry mouth, disappear as you get to know the person and in their place comes trust, acceptance, consideration and, yes, lust needs to still remain.

So what is true love?

It  is unconditional – The Bible uses the Greek word “agape” to describe this kind of love.

It is being there for the other person with no thought to what you will be receiving,

It is putting the other person first, making sure their happiness is of paramount importance.

Love is accepting the other person fully,   quirks and all, knowing that everything, both good and bad, about the person makes them the one you love.

Love is trusting someone with your innermost thoughts, your body, your dreams, your fantasies, it is being willing to share yourself completely.

When the physical is no longer possible there better be something stronger to keep your love for each other alive.

Realistically , you  know that the physical may not always be there, life interferes, health deteriorates, age takes its toll and if there is not solid foundation then what you thought was love becomes ashes…

Do you embody true love?

Let’s take a look at one of the most extensive and well known definitions of love there is

I Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient.

This is a hard one, we live in a society of instant gratification – we want what we want right now.  So we get annoyed, angry and impatient when things don’t go as we want.

We need to practice patience, firstly with ourselves.  How many times do you get annoyed at mistakes you make, do you give yourself any leeway, after all mistakes are part of being human.  We need to understand that we are growing entities, and each mistake is a lesson learned.

Once we can accept it of ourselves we can then begin to be patient with those around us.  We are all battling with something and there is nothing more encouraging than someone who is patient with us as we go through our battles.

Love is kind.

We need to look after ourselves, be kind to our bodies, our minds and our ugliness.  We    are our biggest critics and enemies.

Learn to look after yourself, to speak well to yourself.  My business coach once told me    “You are the most important person in your life”  as a Christian lady this shocked me, I was so used to putting others first.  Then he explained. “If you don’t look after yourself first, if you are not good to yourself, you will not have the health or energy to take care of anyone else”

When we are kind to ourselves we will be happier, more relaxed and healthier.  this will overflow into our relationships and if we practice being kind to others we will attract it back to us. Note, this is not leeway to be selfish.

 Love does not envy.

When we love ourselves we don’t need to be envious of others and what they have.

We learn to be content with what we have and with who we are.

In the same way if we love ourselves we have no need to be envious over our partners, we are confident in our relationships.

Love does not boast, it is not proud.

If we embody love, we have no need to boast or be proud.  Our actions will prove our worth.

Boasting and pride push people away.

 Love does not dishonor others.

Being confident in ourselves and our abilities means we have no reason to dishonor others.  We don’t need to pull others down.  Just as we respect ourselves so we need to respect others.

J.K. Rowling states — ‘If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.’

Love is not self-seeking.

While it is important to take care of ourselves,  we also need to know the world does not revolve around us.

There is nothing so intriguing as someone who puts themselves aside and pays attention to others. Someone who doesn’t need to be selfish and push themselves forward.

Love is not easily angered

This is another tough one.  There is so much around that makes us angry – bad drivers, disrespectful sales people, the list is endless.  It sometime feels as if the whole world is one ball of anger.  Then, to make things harder on ourselves we direct it at ourselves and walk around with this cloud of rage hanging over us.

Not an attractive picture, so you can see why it would be easier to attract someone if you learnt to curb your anger. think before you speak. consider if your anger is warranted – there is nothing wrong with getting angry, it is how you act when you are angry that is the problem.

If you are constantly getting angry over petty or things that cannot be changed, eventually people will just ignore you or walk out of your life completely.

A smiling face is so much more compelling.

Love keeps no record of wrongs

We do this to ourselves all the time.  Every time we mess up we remember all the other times we messed up,  then we beat ourselves up.

So we messed up, that is part of life.  It is in the past, learn from it, then leave it there.

The same goes for those we love, if we keep rehashing their history they will eventually pull away and we will wonder why our relationship is not working anymore.  After all no one wants a constant reminder of how bad they used to be, especially if they are trying hard to be better.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

We should not look for ways get away with bad behavior.  We also should  not put up with injustice, carried out both by ourselves and by others. Instead, we should treasure the truth,  exemplify good behavior, and promote virtue. Remember, true love has nothing to hide.

 Love always protects

We take care of ourselves, making sure we are safe – the same goes for those we love.  If someone is talking behind their back we stand up for them. They need to know we will be there for them no matter what

 Love always trusts

We need to trust that God will keep us and that no matter what happens in our lives or relationship, God is working for the best.  This trust will shine through and attract others to you.  They will see a peace in you that they would like to share in.

 Love always perseveres

Life is hard, but love does not give up.  There is no guarantee of a happy ending . the best we can do is take each day and find happiness in it. Find something to love every day.

If you learn to incorporate these traits into yourself  and your life, I believe that you will attract that beautiful person who has been waiting for someone as special as you.  At the very least you will spend the rest of your life with a truly wonderful person  – yourself!

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