We are all aware of the necessity to recharge our phone batteries. While we know that we are able to use them while they are charging, the connection will be slow, the phone will lag, in other words it will not be operating at its optimal potential.
Sometimes we get frustrated because it is not ready when we need it to be and we push all the buttons we imagine might help, we shout at it, beg it, and even sometimes throw it against the wall, but none of these things will help it to recharge faster, in fact other than the shouting and begging (which just wastes our breath) it actually slows the process down. The only way to get through the process is to patiently wait it out, leave the phone alone, let it do its thing, it will tell you when it is ready to be used and abused again.
The same goes for me. I need time to recharge. I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I have constantly needed to take time out for me, just me alone. It is the time I use to breath, to think things through, to come to terms with changes, or even just to relax and do nothing. When my children were younger they knew not to disturb me in the bath unless it was something important. They respected my wishes when I told them I needed some alone time. They knew if they gave it to me, then things would go well with the world and the raging bear would be kept at bay.
Getting angry with me, telling me how to cope with the things around me, feeling sorry for me or concerned about me are not going to help me recharge any sooner, in fact they will have the opposite effect. If I tell you I need alone time, that is exactly what I mean. Remember I have been living in this body for over 50yrs I know when my battery is getting low, I know what I need to do to keep it working at its best. Sometimes work, obligations and guilt keep me pushing myself till finally my body decides enough is enough and then I get ill and I am literally forced to relax and take the time needed for my battery to recharge.
How long I need to recharge I don’t know, sometimes it is just an hour or so, but most times it is a day or two, depending on how crazy the days go. Crowds, people, worries and the constant need to “play nice” tire me out, at the best of times, but when my battery is flat then the slightest one completely exhausts me.
I have learnt that when I start to get too drained I need to “hibernate” as I call it. I understand the, because I seem to shut others, it out can be very hurtful towards those that love me and care about my wellbeing, this is not my intention. I need the people I care about to understand that I am not pushing them away, or avoiding them or angry with them. I am just needing time alone to be inside myself for a while, so that I can recharge and avoid giving them the dregs of me but, rather, work towards giving them the best of me as they so richly deserve.
The only way to get through the process is to patiently wait it out, give me space, leave me alone, let my mind and body do its thing, knowing you will be the first to experience the best of me again.